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Haha….a very personal life message now…my
life…filled up with anything possible……exams tomorrow reviewed for around total
2 hours and messed around the rest of the time and doesn’t that mean giving up
myself …..haha…..why? I can’t get anything straight, in particularly straight…
my life is completely a mess……my family is messed up my relationship with
girls/ females are messed up.
Am
I the kind of man/guy that all girls/females hate, I never ever notices this
until this year, no one actually gives me any support nowadays and I felt hopeless?
I myself received the message that she actually hates me and those girls hate
me and can’t accept of my joking manner and singing habit…..i joke, I laugh,
and I’m a machine that produces fake laughter for myself… why should I laugh,
make the world happy, is that just a false image or is that true among myself, I
sometimes wonder this question and think that maybe laughing is more like a
must. People think of laughter connecting to me, cause I laugh like an idiot,
maybe surely I’m a idiot, a tempered one. I don’t’ know what I have been doing,
I myself sucks, I know all or majority of the girls was already fed up of me
and just don’t wanna show that out. But today October 13, itz midnight I can’t
actually sleep, 12:19 exams tomorrow….. troubles?! I want a life…can I start it
again…. I’ll just be an ordinary boy that nor laugh nor speaks nor chats, be a
boy that could be at least normal in other people’s eyes. Why is it so hard, so
hard just to make people happy, my goal in life is just to see you guys laugh,
laugh, and laugh. However these days my life is filled up with expectations and
scores/grades….if I could give it up without my parent’s expectations I wil….i
want to rest…rest and do all those stuffs I want….i don’t’ want classes, math
class four times/3 hours, piano, Japanese, English, and those classes…. I know
itz for my own good and I may become successful but itz too hard…..i’m not even
good at chinese yet then I got to learn English, then I still suck in English
then Japanese and they expect to learn Spanish when I can’t even use verbs in Japanese….why???
the world is like this…..i suck or is the world suck…..i really want a world …..just
to rest….i’m tired…tired of what? A lonely world is not what I expect….since 2005
january 26, the first time I actually understand loneliness in the world, I
wasn’t sure what was that…..it was a climax in my life, I should be shy and everything
changed…..she gave me up, for like why???
Then I searched again and again for my target of life, one that could
help me support me…..maybe I suck so got dumped again…..before the start of the
school…….haha……..accept the truth that I was awfully sucking…I waited everyday
for the school to start to actually know you deeper and spend some time with
you but no i got hurt once again for some reasons….then I tried to please
people……plz people??? For like why…….i don’t’ actually know….i’m then just a
machine controlled by someone I don’t’ actually know….maybe I think I’m so good
actually controlling my own life….but no itz life that is controlling me….why???
WHY!!! I should not cry nor tears should fall down my cheek….but I can’t stop
it….itz water no, it’s tears, all the way through my face down on my shirt,….i don’t’
know…I can’t stop…wiped it again and again..wiped it off….but I know…..something
internal is broken down……completely…..deeply….i want a reason why….but is it
the world that usually give me a “0”
to all my questions and doubts…….HAHAHAHAA…so emotional….i’m such an emotional
bastard…..laugh…….criticize me…..i’m a coward…. A wimp….a a sucker….god damn it……hahaha….emotional
bastard….haha….ah!!!!!!
hahaha…..
hahahah
Ahahhaah
Ahahahahh
Hahaha
Ahahaaa
Hahahahaha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Willy
Chen~~~~~~~~
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Wow......since february.....itz like half a year since i ever post any thing up on xanga nywayz let's summarize my summer vacation here....it is actually a total combination of non -stop tutor classes, hang out around 5 timez , went back to my grandparents house real often nd started to practice on doin some house chores, like washin those dishes too often almost everyday nd started to learn how to cook beef stew......would people wanna taste, i think it tastes okay.....nywayz....thatz actaully how my vacation is, so excited in the new class formation this year....